A weird life

Succubus ?

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:48:00 +0000

People are strange when you're a stranger,faces look ugly when you're alone.Women seem
wicked when you're unwanted ... eternal words spoken by Jim morrison . These lines,written
over 40 years ago, make so much sense to me as I deal with my life in this small Indian
town called Manipal.I was sent here in order to become an engineer but two and half years
down the line I feel evolved, with a better understanding of people and greater insight
into my own being.So here's to all the random people and nights I have seen in Manipal .

I was sitting on the ledge
At my friend's house
Looking at the sun setting in the horizon
Joining the waves caressing the land
Creating a masterpiece never seen before ...

Had a guitar held between my arms
Tunes lingering in my mind
But this guitar had only 3 strings
Which I thought I could use
To create a symphony unknown ...

As my thoughts wondered across the sky
Staring at the clouds and the colours
The yellows ... The pinks and The blues
Reminding me of the girl I met the night before
She sat beside me
Asked me what I could afford to pay for her soul ...

Kiss me ... Oh just kiss me she said
We're all alone and our hearts are sick she added on
The alcohol fueled heart had to be blamed
A girl like this was just too good for me
Whatever I may now say ...

Her hair smelt of wild flowers
Eyes reminding me of the stars up in the sky
Lips I couldnt resist kissing
Slowly but surely we blended into each other ...

We sat there all night
Talking about how life had been so unfair
Watching the rain fall down at a distance
Eventually giving into the primal urge ...

The sense of her touch
The dream of being in love
The gaze of her eyes
And the sighs coming out from her insides ...

Nights like these lead to days we'll rather forget
I don't want to touch you
I just want to be by your side
Just the thought of having you near my
Is enough to keep me happy for eternity ...

But the world keeps on rolling
She had to leave
Complete the work she had earmarked for that day ...

Left all alone
Walking the same path
I had come to call my own
The path meant only for the ones without love
Love is an illusion
And trust is something that you don't give to anyone
Cause you can only believe in youself and no one else ...

Don't care about women anymore
Never really cared about the sex
Always wanted something that meant more
Probably that's why I'm always left unsatisfied ...

Searching for things that no man is meant to have
Is like living in a fool's paradise
I'll just be a fool all my life
A smoke on my lips and a bottle of wine at my side
Are things that remind me of the moments
I spent with random succubus-es
On those cold dark rainy nights ...

Octavium Mir

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Tue, 27 May 2008 21:46:00 +0000

"You're obliged to pretend respect for people and institutions you think absurd. You live attached in a cowardly fashion to moral and social conventions you despise, condemn, and know lack all foundation. It is that permanent contradiction between your ideas and desires and all the dead formalities and vain pretenses of your civilization which makes you sad, troubled and unbalanced. In that intolerable conflict you lose all joy of life and all feeling of personality, because at every moment they suppress and restrain and check the free play of your powers. That's the poisoned and mortal wound of the civilized world."

Octave Mirbeau

My own grave ?

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Fri, 23 May 2008 22:51:00 +0000

Walking through this life everyday and not being able to find something to belong to ... something which remains constant and makes me believe !

Just makes me wish that i had the strength to walk up and dig my own grave !

Smoking a cigarette
Smoking 3
Smoking a pack everyday
But cancer can't catch me is what my heart says ...

Been injecting myself with this venom
Since so long that i cant even remember when i started ?
Rashes and bloody eyes are my only companions on those empty nights ...

Does my body run on alcohol or blood is something i can't really say
Just one more drink before i sleep ...

It's better to burn out than to fade away
Riding at 100 and didnt really care
About that truck coming my way
That moment of contact is maybe that made it all real ...

Picking up that gun
And fighting my way through the enemy
That's the right way to die
Is something our leaders teach us everyday ...

I'll quit this life when i think i've seen enough
This isn't an affair
It's more like a fling
This life doesn't mean a thing to me, i swear

I dig that grave every moment that i breathe ... And these people help me with my needs !!!

What drug should i try if i were to try one that is ...

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Fri, 23 May 2008 11:19:00 +0000

Buddha

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Mon, 19 May 2008 15:19:00 +0000

Was stumbling through a lot of pages today and i found something interesting to share so here it goes ...

If you do not find an intelligent companion, a wise and well-behaved person going the same way as yourself, then go on your way alone, like a king abandoning a conquered kingdom, or like a great elephant in the deep forest. - Buddha

Made a lot of sense to me ... I hope it helps out someone out there ... Peace

The Box

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sun, 18 May 2008 22:52:00 +0000

I was caught at the break of dawn
In a town with no tomorrow
Was sitting by the side of the road
When this cop came and stopped his chevy next to me ...

Name and details
He shouted in my face
The way he looked at me
I can never forget it, even till this day ...

Before I could say something
Try to explain to him my situation
He grabbed his gun
And pointed it in my face ...

Fuck you is all I uttered
Hit him in the balls
And took the gun away
Took a deep breath
Used the gun to open up his pretty face ...

I looked up at the sky
Shouted in disgust
Cause for a second there I could feel his pain
The jack rabbits surrounded me
Dragged me to a higher authority...

The court was set
While the cameras rolled
Mentally sick I was thought to be
A correctional facility was my home to be ...

All that they gave me
Was this 6x6 box
To spend all eternity ...

Scratching the walls
And hearing all those screams
Trying to be some one else
And failing miserably
Are things that I'll always have in common
With the world outside

I'm the man in the box
But you're in one too
You have this box that your senses gave you
And i'm stuck in this one that was gifted to me ...

Sorrow
Pain
Anger
and Disdain ...

There are thoughts in my mind
That I can never explain ...

21

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sun, 18 May 2008 22:25:00 +0000

Turned 21 last week and apart from the initial euphoria of being able to drink anywhere in India legally and also the ability to get married to any person of the opposite sex i choose and who maybe out of her mind to make such a decision ... I dont really feel anything

21 for me was a very important landmark since a long time ... always figured that by the time i reached this age i would be mostly sure about where i was going and what i was doing in life ... to be able to guide myself to a certain goal and have something in my mind about what i wanted to do about my life and all the uncertainites that were unresolved in my head !

I've been spending most of my days ever since wondering about what's been missing from life ... about where i went wrong ? when and where will i get the answers to my questions? or maybe i've just been thinking too much ... there is no answer ... there is no question ... everything is just unrelated and 21 is just a number or is it !

The only time i find some measure of peace is when i'm lying down in the grass in the valley and staring up at the sky ! watching the clouds roll past these infinite planes lighted by the gentle rays of the moon ... watching how the stars make patterns in the sky and how the clouds and the celestial bodies team up to show me a glimpse of the future and the past at the same time ! The night sky for me is a guide to all the answers a person may ever ask or even think of ! Drinking a beer and smoking a cig ... having a little floyd to listen to just makes the experience even better ! things i'm gonna miss when i get back to delhi ...

A lot's been going on recently ... This is about how some people are leaving manipal for good and they're never coming back (graduating is simpler word use)! We started out as friends ... became something more than that ... fought ... bitched ... and cried ! But when it's time to say goodbye its better to let go of that ego ... do the right thing ... see each other one last time ... shake hands and move on ... the end of an era i'll like to add !

Random thought - Whats with the skyrocketing oil prices ? Has the highest production level of oil actually been achieved and is the supply of oil only going to go down now ? The price of a barrel of oil has increased 6 times in the last 6 years ! Gotta do with a variety of other factors like ... tensions in the middle east ... saudi arabia not increasing it production ... china needing more diesel due to the earthquake and the olympics this year ... investment in oil bonds by companies like goldman sachs and all ... random analysts making crazy claims ... what's the world coming to ?

Ok back to 21 ... turning 21 didnt make me feel any different! i still am what i am ... maybe i just wanted to feel a different way about life and love ... get a different perspective ... learn something new ... but i guess i'll just have to wait ! lazy and impatient at the same time doesnt really make a good combination !

what do i want for my birthday ... well to start with ... happiness and health for family and frens ... world peace (or atleast something close to that ... free oil !!!) ... a greater understanding of this world and its people ... wanna read more talk less and listen to more good music ... free booze and discounted cigarettes ...

these are one of my favourite things !!!

anyways enough ranting for now ... tc ppl peace

p.s : a little love might help ... you know

Was it the train to atlantic city ?

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 18:49:00 +0000

Ok this goes out to pooja one of my best friends and her man danny ... May the flame of passion and love never go out of your lives
Btw I know this isn't exactly what happened but I like to think of it this way ...
Besides fact is stranger and more beautiful than fiction any day !

God bless

So here it goes ....

Walked up to her and smiled
Hey girl could I sit by your side
The train ride to the other side of town
Was something that always brought out a frown ...

Having this cute guy by her side
Would it make her feel better about herself that day ?
He sat down and offered her a cookie
She grinned and took a bite
Of that cookie or maybe the hook that was in his mind ?

Fields of green passed them by
As different colours and contours could be seen in the sky
A red mist appeared suddenly out of nowhere
Enveloped these two
In a bond that we cherish and fear ...

They talked about football and the weather
Sang a few songs and cracked some jokes
Wondered how they strive to find a new way to carry on
To move away from the memories of the past that take us away ...

The train pulled into the last station
And it was time to say goodbye
But before she could turn and walk away
He came close and held her in a loving embrace ...

Told her that she was special
And that he'll like to meet her someday
Would she be kind enough
To give him a number ? A name ?

She obliged and kissed him on his cheek
Ran away only to
Meet him again that week ...

That's the only true love story that I know
Something that always makes me smile
In my moments of pleasure and pain
Having someone to love and care about
Isn't that all life is all about ?

Flip Flop

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 12:25:00 +0000

This piece is called flip flop after the way i was feeling in the DE lab on a friday afternoon in hot hot manipal ... Wrote it while people were too busy catching up on the latest gossip and teachers were more interested in getting pictures clicked for the college mag ! so here it goes ...

The first rays of the sun
Caress the surface of the Earth
As everything beautiful
Comes to life ...

Clouds move away
Cause the sun is here to stay
Illuminated minds and happy kids
Are the very things that the sun guided from the beginning ...

But I want to talk about this guy I know
Still fast asleep in his empty room
Afraid to step out and face the sun
He delays the awakening every moment till it actually comes ...

No one gets him
And he wonders why ?
Should he grow some wings
And fly towards the infinite sky ?

Watching his friends build the circuit of their dreams
He's still stuck in the thought of the girl who he lost
It's been 7 years since that day and he still remembers every second
Of how they moved away and never really talked ...

The rising price of food
And it's impact on the poor
Trouble in Tibet
And the Olympics in China
Are things he thinks about
Or maybe he doesn't
Can one man make a difference
Is something he believed in and it made him cry ...

Rising sea levels
And values corroding
Genocides and mass graves
Are scattered around on this planet on which he stays ...

Forget the past
Work in the present
Let future be the guiding light
That helps you through the night ...

Trying to get up
Move forward
Truly believing in his own beliefs
Is one of the hardest things
A man can achieve ...

The window

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 11:51:00 +0000

The dying rays of the sun
Filter through the window
A window so high
That no one can see
What the shadows care to believe ...

Part of an organism dead and decaying
This was once a house with a name on the door
Now people just call it by different names
The house of horror
The house of shame
The house where everything went wrong just one fine day ...

No one knows what the house contains
Can anyone even try to live under its terrible strain ?
Only one man can still remember how this house used to be
And for this very reason
Parting from it, is something he can not see ...

The rays fall on his hands
As the sands of time gather around his feet
He has seen in this life
What people don't see in eternity ...

He cant talk anymore you see
Because its been years since he used his mouth to speak
The sight of his eyes is now forgotten
Tears swept away the light into the depths of the unkown ...

No pain
No sorrow
Nothing left to believe in
No tomorrow ...

Waiting for the wind to blow him away
So that he may break into pieces
And float away
Be part of the night and the day
All I ask of him is to open this window once again ...

Could you repeat the question please ?

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 18:38:00 +0000

Rolling and falling on the floor

No one left to hold me

Nobody nomore

Sitting by the corner of this lurid room ...

Dealing with this purple haze

I think i see around me

Is it there or am I imagining things

Was a thought that had no bearings ...

War and peace had a new meaning

As humanity lost its foothold

I have been living a life of idiocy

Turned into someone I had never wanted to be ...

The night grew darker

And fear strangled my soul

A beast in me showed its disfigured body

What I had been through

And what was to follow

Were questions I had to swallow ...

Insight into my own brain was what I wanted

A reason why everyone gets hurt and cries

Why this world can never be beautiful infront of my pupils

And all I got were just those tears in my eyes ...

A life of solitude

A life of peace

A life away from it all

Is all that I need ...

As the world opens before my eyes ...

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 19:52:00 +0000

Open the doors to your life. Let the sound,the light and the wind help you to move on and find a better tomorrow , a tomorrow you always dreamt of and truly deserve. Wherever we go, whoever we are and whatever we do, we always have doors present in our life and yet we fail to realise the importance these portals hold .

Doors carry the power to help us to move out of rooms and situations which we may find undesirable, painful or downright monotonous into greener pastures with our heads held up high and a song on our lips ! As we travel through this thing called life which I like to believe is a time capsule of sorts , we harm ourselves in ways we may not be able to even harm our worst enemies. Create mental barriers which act as inhibitors to the very essence of our body, mind and soul . We stop enjoying the company of those closest to us and the thought of spending some time, just by ourselves reminds us of the nightmares we carry along. A part of our entity starts to wither away and all that is around us looks so dark and dreary.

We stop believing in our parents,friends,coworkers and humanity as a whole. Happiness makes us scared and we tend to start believing that the infinite joys life throws our way mean nothing and we don't deserve them . People try to find any possible reason to run away from it all, throw away everything they ever held dear . They run away from happiness, sorrow ... any sort of emmotion that might possibly prove that they are human !

She broke my heart and i'll never love again.This pain refuses to leave me and atleast there's something that needs me.His heart was in pieces by the side of the road and every girl he met since that day had something missing, so he couldn't really go that way .

An athlete and a born runner since the day she was born . Running was her passion and winning that almost impossible olympic gold was all that she cared to believe in ! Travelling to an athletic meet in this other town, fate took away from her, her coach and her mother. She refused to ever run again blaming the thing that she loved for the loss she suffered that day.

His own corporation he'll have someday, was all he could think about all day . He toiled hard and saved up enough cash so that he could start that one thing he always wanted ! Met some one who shared the same insight and decided to enter into an agreement . The next thing he knows is that his money is gone and he's left on the ground ... left to be stared by the people around. He quit and became a bum ... If you don't dream you won't get hurt , he told everyone he ever met since that day !

All these people lost something along the way and they refuse to move on to find something better which is just an arm's reach away ! This is where the importance of doors comes in ... I've always been told by people that I respect that, we always have doors open for us but its upto us whether we want to step through them and achieve greatness or just stay back and fade away into the shadows. Whether you would like to call it choice or the illusion of choice ... whatever it is ... it's right over there and I implore you to stop living in the past ... stop cribbing about all the wrongs that the world did to you .... stop thinking about all that you lost ... The choice may seem mind boggling but frankly its as thoughtless as a smile, so grab your gear and step through !

You can spend minutes,hours,days or weeks or even months over analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened ... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on - Tupac

tc ppl .... peace ... love

A girl singing blues, but she did have happy news ...

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:14:00 +0000

Well here's something i wrote while i was at this party . Had all these thoughts in my head so just penned em down ...

Big things come in small packages
She looked at me and said
Probably pointing at the size
Of her dress ...

Met her on this bus
Headed for an island
An island of hope
Surrounded by a sea at war with itself ...

She smiled
And I sighed
As the shadows of the night
Swept past my eyes ...

Reached the beach
And looked around
Was there something
To take my mind of her sound ...

Smoked a joint
Sipped a beer
Started searching for an open space ,
So that I could find something in the stars I hadn't yet found ...

The stars shone bright in the sky
While heroes waved goodbye
Rings of saturn
And the birth of a star, could be seen not very far ...

Luscious lips
That evil smile
A kid running around
Believing he'll have it all someday ...

The thoughts in my head
Had found a new playground
Rising with the tides
Riding the beams of this afterglow
I hadn't noticed so far ...

Just wanted to get my mind of it all
This life ... These fiends ...
All these excuses to hurt another man
You had earlier found dear ...

Part of me just wants to let it go
But I mostly don't want to leave anything behind
So I guess I'll rather stay
Live my life my way
Show the finger
And move on
Stop caring about these people who never thought of me and my pain ...

The 10.10 Bus Out Of Bangalore

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:32:00 +0000

I just made it to the bus with my backpack and the kfc burger in my hands ... the very last bits of indulgence before I left this city of beauty ... a city of beautiful people experiences and places !

This was my third trip to bangalore in the last one year , it all started with becoming friends with this person online and then going on a wild goose chase to meet this person in the real world and so on and so forth ... we'll leave that story for some other day

I'll like to call this trip a great success ! (Imagine borat saying that and it'll definitely bring a smile to your face). Did the usual smoking drinking eating thing but it was some how just more than that . I guess it has a lot to do with all the new people I met and the bonds I forged (hope they liked me as much as I liked them) and the fact that I was meeting some friends who are really close to me and share my joys and sorrows and my boring stories almost everyday over the phone or while chatting online after a long hard day of going to college ( college can be so so stressful !!!)

The main reason behind this journey to bangalore was to spend some quality time with that friend and just try helping her out with some stuff in her head (hope i succeeded on some level, can't really help cause I have very little insight on relationships !) and trying to get a smile on her face plus plus plus get some things in return ... good food being the primary concern on the getting back front !

So we basically hung out ... watched movies ... created mayhem .... ate good food and drank some good stuff ... smoked some incenses and ya did loads of other random stuff ! even managed to get into this popular place in blore called fuga and the experience over there was quite refreshing surprisingly !

Well back to what I really wanted to talk about ... I barely made it to my bus because of the huge traffic jams in the IT + GARDEN city of India. The roads are just so so full all the time in bangalore, its like the place never sleeps or something ... but while going through all these places I couldnt help but notice how all cities ... places ... people all over the world are so similar ! The way they act ... react ... deal with problems ... move on .. its all similar ! Even our problems follow this common path and aren't really that different ... stick to the basics I always like to repeat in my head !( roti kapdaa aur makaan ... lol) Took an auto once in the city and had an animated discussion with the driver about how traffic jams take place and why some drivers should be just banned from driving, even parking on the roads ... didnt really have anything else to talk about ... got to know about his family and how many years he had been living in the big city for ! Everyone is just trying to run away from something in their own lives ... If all of us just stopped for a second and faced those inner fears, I bet the world would be so much better ... brighter !

Ya so going back to the bus ... I've always had this thing in my head of taking a bus to some place and meeting my true love or something in the bus ! Always wish that this girl would come and sit next to me on some journey to some place and we would like totally hit it off (emmotionally and spiritually i mean ... other things come later folks !!!) and we'll get off the bus somewhere in the middle and just spend time together or whatever ! Don't really know what i'm going to say to her when I meet her or where I'm going to take her but ya its just a random crazy thought in the head ! But all I get is weird people sitting next to me ... So I just put my earphones on and blast some heavy metal tune into my head till the time people get settled down and sleep off !

I can never freaking sleep when I travel ... It's a bad habit I've had ever since I was a kid and it refuses to die even thou the sands of time pass me by !!! It's even more difficult when you're leaving a place like bangalore and going to endure 9 hours of pot-holled roads and sharp bends in a bus driven by a guy who doesn't even understand any language that you might speak ! (I love kannada but learning languages is really taxing for me so I'll just stick to hindi and english ... Thank you !) Did see a few faces I recognised from manipal but didnt really feel like striking any conversations ...

So there I was alone again ... A creature of the night left to deal with all the uncertainities of tommorow, tonight ! While travelling I always try to get the window seat, because I just have to know where i'm heading and want to see how I get there ... another one of those unexplainable obsessions ! Travelling during the night is especially interesting because you get to see the world in a totally different context ... a world without people ... without noise ... without happiness and without sorrow ! It's as if I'm visiting this world from another and the people are gone but the things they build are still there .

Leaving bangalore created a storm of electricity in my eyes with all the lights I could see ... from the factories to the various shops to some small house out there.The lights kept on getting fewer and more random as we got further away from bangalore . The reason I'm talking about lights so much is because of what they symbolise to me ... I like to believe that when we go off to sleep, our souls take a break by coming out of our bodies and roaming the Earth to feel refreshed again, so these lights sort of symbolise those souls roaming around ( ya its weird i know ) ... plus these lights combined with the darkness beyond make for such a captivating canvas drawn by an artist unknown ...

When I got bored with the lights, I went back to looking at how people were managing to sleep inside the bus ... Endless pursuits to quench a man's desire to overcome boredom ... It was actually quite interesting how people can contort their bodies to just get a night's sleep ... Bus manufacturers are you listening ?

Looking at the moon sort of brought me a little peace ... it always does actually ! Seeing that big white blob in the sky always makes me feel that come what may there is always someone out there for me ... to show me the way on a dark night or just provide company as I sit by the side of the window or just a good friend who listens and rarely talks back ... the moon solves it all ! Just watching the clouds rush pass by the moon , trying to cover up its light, the best that they can but the moon always triumphs ... right on !

Travelling from bangalore to manipal is journey sans comfort and that is mostly because of the fact that we need to go through the western ghats which are wet hills, full of forests ... ooooo !!! Travelling through the ghats at this time of the night can be an enchanting yet sort of scary experience ... Watching the dark wilderness and the monsters looking back at you ... What if they actually booed back if i said boo ??? Seeing the tree tops up in the sky and how the moon glides not too high above them ! All the broken down buses and trucks on the side of the roads like travellers who gave up reaching their destinations just because it was too hard on them or maybe they just lost track of where they wanted to go . The endless streams criss-crossing the the hills providing life and a certain degree of noise on a peaceful night such as this. All the shadows I can see out in the open in the land meant for no man !

Well somewhere around the 5'o clock mark I did manage some shut eye ... Don't know how that came through but it did . Reached manipal and the whole cycle of college ... hostel ... twist ... hostel ... college is back in place .

In the end I really wish I could be the SUN ... going around the planet everyday ... providing warmth to all its inhabitants large and small ... just a little sun in this infinte sky, travelling a little more everyday than the day gone by ...

p.s : ya i had a girl on my mind as well ... already talked about her in the last post so won't mention her here ! the best way to get a girl is so to give her a little but not too much attention ... atleast that's what my friends have always told me ... sigh ... I wouldn't really know about that either !

The lady in pink

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:16:00 +0000

Wrote this on a cold rainy night , while trying to forget the memory of the past night ! I saw a lady in pink ... in this place they call FUGA in bangalore !

On a night like this
When stars refuse to shine
And the clouds are in their prime
While they are busy
Dropping the tears of the divine ...

These rain drops catch my fancy
Watching them caress the tress
And cool the breeze
Ease into this Earth where they were always meant to be ...

I'm stuck in this shell
And my heart refuses to beat
To feel something ... someone
Is maybe all that I need ...

My mind races away into the realms of the unkown
As I try to find memories
To get me through
Get me through
This night of loneliness and sorrow ...

Her face flashes infront of my eyes
The lady in pink
Who still drives me crazy
Not only when i'm alert, but even when i'm lazy ...

Saw her in this place
In this town I couldn't really get around
She was standing infront of the bar
Talking to some guy
Who looked oh so cheesy ...

Eyes as blue as the waves of the deep blue sea
With skin as soft as the rays of the morning sun
Watching her hair fall down her spine
I just wanted her to be mine ...

When she danced
She proved she had nothing to lose
The world was hers
And she knew it ...

It was too good to last
And I had to leave
Catch a bus
Which would take me away
From the woman of my dreams ...

Before I left
I glanced one last time
At the girl I would leave behind ...

Enclosed her memories
In a cloud
And watched it float away
My heart and soul are now free
And I'm left here standing
Waiting for the next one to come my way ...

Hate binds us all ...

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:40:00 +0000

I love the word "hate" ... The way it's used and the way people including me love to hate .
Hate starts with this thing called "Birth" . From the day we're born to the day we die we have basically have 3 categories in which we put the things that we see around us , the 3 being Love, Indifference and Hate .

We believe that it's our birth right to hate people,things,causes . Sometimes we do it because we really believe in what we are saying and other times cause life is just too boring and you need something to do ... So go ahead hate as much as you want ( Plus you don't have to pay for it !!!)

Starting with the common Indian man or as we better know him as "Aam Aadmi" ... Who is the common man ? How do we even go on defining common ? According to me he's not defined on the basis of education, or how much he earns in a year or where he works or the way he lives his life . He's defined on the basis of the things he hates ... The rising price of basic necessities like food,water,clothing,fuel etc . He hates the politicians who run our country, promise the stars in their election campaigns and when it comes down to giving something back , they give back zilch ... zero ... nothing ! They take away even more in the form of scams and kickbacks from defence deals . He hates his job and the fact that he's not paid as much as he's supposed to be paid. He hates his wife for bothering him all the time (just an example ... I love women too much !! ) . He hates the Indian cricket team for getting fat pay checks and multi million dollar endorsement deals for letting him down always and losing a match when winning was the easier thing to do .

Moving on ...

We then have the MNC executive who earns about 20 lakhs per annum and is supposedly living the Indian Dream . What are the things he hates ? Well starting with taxation ... He hates to give back to the country ... thinks the tax rates are too high and asks his accountant to find every loop hole in the book so that he could save about 10grand and go and buy himself a rolex ... or a new cellphone or one of those things he really doesn't need or does he ? (If I earned that much, I'll probably be complaining as well cause I'll want all that money for myself !) . He hates his boss for making him work so hard 24/7 and hates his golf buddies cause they have the Audi he always wanted . He hates the fact that he's not able to find a good girl and is tired of all the mind fucking random sex that he has ! (Sex was supposed to be fun ... wasn't it ?)

The regular Indian middle class wife just hates her life ! She hates the fact that she's stuck their at home taking care of the kids, the in laws and the house . She hates the endless nonsensical melodramatic Indian TV soap operas but still can't stop watching them because they are her only form of relief from the daily routine. When she goes out shopping, she hates the fact that they are other wives out there who have more clothes,shoes,jewellery etc than her . She hates the fact that her husband is not giving her enough money or doesnt love her enough, to buy her the diamond earings she always wanted since she was 15 !

The environmentalists hate Global warming and gas guzzling SUV's . Stock brokers hate the fact that they just made 60 million bucks last year when they could have made 100 million just by cheating,lying and decieving a few more folks ! Celebrities hate the paparazzi and other celebs . Companies hate other companies for the making more profits than them, cutting their market shares and giving them the finger ! The Chinese hate the Japanese cause they invaded them in the 2nd world war and the Japs hate them back for having all that labour,and bringing down production costs so low that's now they have to compete with the chinese for the title of the most "Industrialized nation in Asia" . The Isrealis hate the Palestinians for all the suicide attacks and for not letting them live in peace and the palestinians hate them for taking their land and making them live in refugee camps. Greece hates Turkey because of Cyprus and Turkey hates the Kurds, who they attack in Iraq. Sinhalese in Srilanka hate the Tamils and they hate them back . Pakistanis love to hate Indians because of the partition,Bangladesh and Kashmir and we hate them back . Referring to all these conflicts, its not usually the people hating each other but it's more about the politics involved !

As for me I hate a lot of things ... From the fact that I don't have someone special in my life to the fact that even thou I love bikes I cant get one ! I hate the stupid dictators torturing and killing people all over the world. I hate the fact that food enough food is grown in the world to feed its whole population but still they are people dying of hunger every day . I hate terrorists dividing people on the basis of caste,creed and faith and killing in the name of religon! I hate people who think that they own the world just because they look good or have enough money or whatever ! I hate the fact that Jim morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley are all dead and there's no more good music coming my way ! I hate the fact that torrents don't work on the net connection i'm using and I can't download stuff for free anymore ...

But most of all I just hate myself for not being able to do what I want to do . For not being able to be as good as I can be and for wasting my potential every day I breathe .

Hate is the strongest emmotion known to man and Hate joins us all !

Peace

20 reasons to quit smoking

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:14:00 +0000

No matter how old you are or how long you’ve smoked, quitting will help you live longer. That’s a fact! People who stop smoking before age 50 cut their risk of dying in the next 15 years in half compared with those who continue to smoke. Ex-smokers enjoy a higher quality of life with fewer illnesses from cold and flu viruses, better self-reported health, and reduced rates of bronchitis and pneumonia.

Below are 20 outstanding reasons why you might want to quit ...

1. Quitting smoking has major and immediate health benefits for men and women of all ages. Benefits apply to people with and without smoking-related disease.
2. Former smokers live longer than people who keep smoking.
3. Quitting smoking decreases the risk of lung cancer, other cancers, heart attack, stroke, and chronic lung disease.
4. Women who stop smoking before pregnancy or during the first 3 to 4 months of pregnancy reduce their risk of having a low birth-weight baby to that of women who never smoked.
5. The health benefits of quitting smoking are far greater than any risks from the small weight gain (usually less than 10 pounds) or any emotional or psychological problems that may follow quitting.
6. 20 minutes after quitting: Your heart rate and blood pressure drops.
7. 12 hours after quitting: The carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal.
8. 2 weeks to 3 months after quitting: Your circulation improves and your lung function increases.
9. 1 to 9 months after quitting: Coughing and shortness of breath decrease; cilia (tiny hair-like structures that move mucus out of the lungs) regain normal function in the lungs, increasing the ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs, and reduce the risk of infection.
10. 1 year after quitting: The excess risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker’s.
11. 5 years after quitting: Your stroke risk is reduced to that of a nonsmoker 5 to 15 years after quitting.
12. 10 years after quitting: The lung cancer death rate is about half that of a continuing smoker’s. The risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, cervix, and pancreas decrease.
13. 15 years after quitting: The risk of coronary heart disease is that of a non-smoker’s.
Immediate Rewards of Quitting
Kicking the tobacco habit offers some benefits that you’ll notice right away and some that will develop over time. These rewards can improve your day-to-day life a great deal.
14. Your breath smells better
15. Stained teeth get whiter
16. Bad smelling clothes and hair go away
17. Your yellow fingers and fingernails disappear
18. Food tastes better
19. Your sense of smell returns to normal
20. Everyday activities no longer leave you out of breath (for example, climbing stairs or light housework

Some more statistics ...
Nearly 5.8 trillion cigarettes were sold worldwide in 2006 - enough for 860 cigarettes for each person in the world.
Nearly 1 million people will die in India due to smoking related illnesses starting 2010 , and only about 2% smokers quit before they get sick.

But even after all those numbers ... I dont really feel like quiting
I don't have any reasons to smoke ... I just like smoking ... I don't know why

Smoking kills you and so does life ... Thinking about that, i'll just light another one
Cheers

The Lizard Queen

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 19:15:00 +0000

People running away from
Is all I can see
I don't need anyone
Is what they seem to say
Feeling that love inside of them
Is what they forgot yesterday ...

But there's this girl i know
Who reminds me what it feels to love
Just to see her happy
Is what I want today ...

When she sits infront of me
My heart skips a beat
All i want is to be there for her
To make her smile
Is everything that i have wanted for a while ...

She loves a guy who
Doesn't care a shit
Wish he was like me
I can only wish ...

I could promise her the stars
And everything else in between
But that wouldn't really help her
Cause she's stuck in this weird thing called life ...

I wish I could help her
I wish I could be there
To take the tears of her eyes
And to show her how much I care ...

To see her smoke that
Last cigarette of the day
To sense that closeness
And the way she makes me feel ...

I don't know why I love her
Or the idea
Of being in love with her
But one thing I am sure about
Is that I need more of her in my soul ...

Californian Woman

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:17:00 +0000

I want to fall in love
But she's never there
Even thou I meet women everywhere
The right woman to please my soul
The one who can fill up this hole ...

I've searched far and near
For that elusive love
I treasure and fear
Looking up to the sky
I just want to know
When will true love step through my door ...

Angry and distraught
I forget my dream
Until a Shaman came
And told me to travel
Travel to a place on the other side
It's a mystical land and California it's called ...

California he said is the place for me
With women as beautiful as the night's fire
They smell of the Earth and all it's desire
Long hair to cover me with
Luscious lips I just want to kiss ...

Just being with her
Brings me peace
This Californian woman
Of my Dreams ...

The Prodigal Son

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 11:25:00 +0000

The skies open up
And drops come falling down
The earth and the heavens unite
To celebrate the birth of the prodigal child ...

As mighty as they come
He steps out of his mother's womb
Wishing to solve his purpose in life
Understanding the world his only vice ...

Creating an army so large
That the ground trembles with it's every move
Destroy everything he must
To take us back to the purity only he can describe ...

Torching the land
As countless innocents die
He fulfils his promise
And his pride ...

On the eve of the final battle
His feet take him to a town
Battered and bruised
Flowing blood all around ...

A small girl comes into the picture
Her sad smile catches his eyes
She is brought to him
And he demands to know
What does this puny girl wish to defy ...

Blue eyes open up
To show an ocean of sadness within
She talks as she cries
You've taken it all
Yet you're so poor
Oh great master of the world ...

Those eyes make him understand
How man changeth man
Taking responsibilty of the mistakes he's made
He gouges his eyes out
Because he doesnt want to see
Where he lost all that promise
In his pride ...

He roams the Earth
Wishing he was dead
But his sorrow is all that he owns
And no one takes plight
On this crying man
In the setting sky ...

Straight from 332A

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 16:43:00 +0000

well here's some more stuff i wrote while i was bored in college ... its not comparable to the greats like morrison or something ... but its mine so read it at your own peril ... they are 3 different pieces and i don't have names for them yet !!!

Enjoy ...

In this world of small sorrows
And divine pleasures
Men are lost in the search
A search for treasure insight ...

The search goes on
As dust turns to bone
And the Earth moves
Across the infinite sky ...

They want the stairway
That stairway to heaven
So men can once again place
Place themselves in the hands of god ...

To be loved
And respected
Is something we all want
Something that's so true
When everything else is in vain ...

XXX

As the waves go through my ear
She repeats
The pathology of the middle ear
My mind flows away ...

Dealing with these tears of fire
Through all my years
Waiting for something
Someone to hold on tight ...

So that i have someone by my side
While i fight the demons inside
Life can be lived alone
These years passing us by ...

With the help of a hand they say
Heaven opens up
And everything alights
To be in love
Is a power we might buy ...

XXX

Sitting underneath the open sky
With clouds at my side
Waves of green pass me through
And my soul feels just so new ...

The sun so much brighter
The rivers take away the dirt
Birds chirping with a happiness unknown
As the Earth comes to life ...

I've heard this is all because of the end
The end's coming you see
Everything we've ever loved and hated ends now
Man shall be destroyed
While the Earth regains her choir ...

We were plagued by horrors
War,sex and squalor were our only desires
Destruction our only insight
The jury passed the judgement
Gates of Hell
Is the place we are meant for, they say ...

Knowing his fate
And stuck with sorrow
We decided finally to change
And light the fire
Enlightenment is the key
The gods tell you and me ...

Where's my smoke ?

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 20:02:00 +0000

Get up in the morning
And the first thought in my mind
Where is that smoke that
I find so divine ...

Searching through the ash the night left behind
I can't imagine getting up
Dealing with the things this world sends my way
I need the smoke, which is so fine ...

I find it, light it up
And take it in
It fills up my lungs and my mind becomes light
That's how my day begins ...

Walking to work
And seeing the world pass by
All I can think is when
I'll get my "thing" ...

To just stand and think
Side by side taking that smoke in
Everything feels so much better
So much brighter ...

Companions become friends
And days turn into nights
As long as I have that smoke
By my side ...

Sitting in the lap of nature
Seeing the smoke rise
Watching how it tries to meet the moon
The moon which is ever so bright ...

They say smoking kills, and cancer it builds
But aren't we all dying already
Floating away into the unknown
And before I go, all I want
Is that smoke which is mine ...

Imagine

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 05:14:00 +0000

Seeing the world through my eyes
I see man being wronged by his own kind
My brothers dying
And mothers crying ...

The children of the world left alone
To face the monsters of a world unknown
Running away from the darkness
And trying to survive
That's how we live our lives ...

Our feeble minds try to make sense of it
Try to make sense of this world at war
All this violence without consequence
This hate without cause
Races being divided over matters too small to reason ...

The world's coming to an end they sad
A sad end to all this beauty
Hate,Anger,Envy and Jealousy
Things that destroy us are the only ones that survive ...

Even at this moment when all seems lost
People refuse to reason and listen to their hearts
And love seems to have lost its true meaning
I still imagine the world of my dreams and believe that we might have a chance ...

A chance to turn things around
To fight the things that seem to have surrounded us and drained our passion
Dented our soul
I imagine a world full of love , because love conquers all
A world full of equality and justice
Where men have their own destinies to make
Their own lives to build ...

A world free from sadness,hunger and pain
A world we can call our own again
The world shall be at peace with itself
If we listen to our hearts and heed what they have to say ...

And ...

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 09:01:00 +0000

Here's some stuff i wrote on my trip back to delhi from manipal ... its not great but ya its mine !!

Emptiness

Sitting by the window
Seeing the world around me pass in a flash
I see so much
Yet so little ...

There's something about these trees ...
These grey clouds
These people
This haze engulfing everything by its presence ...

They used to be one
To be joined by a common bond
But I have a feeling down within, thats its all gone ...

I feel as if these things are dead
Or their souls have been snatched from them
And their bodies left to rot in this constant emptiness ...

They are stuck in a place
Where they can not feel
Can't dream
Can't think
Can't believe
Can't be one again with each other ...

Stuck in this circle of doom
Where even those who are doomed
Don't know of its existence
And can't understand that their lives have been taken from them ...

But maybe ... just maybe every thing's alright
It's nothing on the outside
It's just my mind hallucinating
Tired of every day that it has to live with me ...

I'm suffering from a disease no one has a cure for
A lack of desire
A lack of passion
A lack of drive
A lack of love
A lack of understanding of what i want in life
Not being able to understand what it means to be human or even feel remotely human ...

I am a lack of everything
A body devoid of a soul
And this is why the world around me feels so empty and rotten
The only direction I flow is down
Down ...
Down ...
Down ...

Looking Out Of The Window

As I travel through this land
Where civilization dawned and kingdoms spawned
All I see is this emptiness ...

These fields which never end
I see them meeting the setting sun on the horizon
Feels like they have a story to tell ...

Some long forgotten war fought by brave warriors
The year when the monsoons decided to take a break
Forced separation of lovers by a world bent on hate ...

While I walk through this land I call my own
"My" ... Why do I call it mine ?
All I have done is taken ...

Eaten of her soil
Quenched my thirst with her waters
Clothed myself with her very essence
But I have come to understand
She will never be mine ...

Wherever I go
Whatever I become
I will always belong to her ...

All I want is the ability to give back
To be able to be the best I can be
That's the only way I imagine
I can give something back to her
My Mother
My Land ...

A second chance ....

noreply@blogger.com (Metal) — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 17:45:00 +0000

As the fourth and final day drew to a close ... mit came back to life !!! During the last week we had our 1st sessionals and cause i am in biomed i had to give 8 exams in 4 days ... of which i only gave a small percentage of ... due to some unforeseen circumstances like high fever,cold,cough and mind fuck !!! so after 4 days of torture for people i know i cud finally hear ppl making plans .... thinking where to party and how much to drink !!! manipal at its best again ... woohoo !!!

i didnt really feel like doing anything after the sessionals ended cause i was still not well plus i was disappointed by the way they went, so thursday was spent day dreaming and listening to music !!! From friday the whole schedule started once again with monotonous classes and those boring lectures !!!

in the evening suddenly i got this call from a fren saying that some of her frens from back home were in manipal to see her,she cooked up a plan so that her new frens cud meet her old frens and all of us could party together !!! so we met "these people" and then decided to go to sky lounge ... a lounge bar in good ol manipal !!! started with old monk and hookah .... moved on to grooving with the ladies ... more old monk ... and some more hookah !!! fun fun fun ... got out of tht place after 12.30 and then walked till deva's (good cheap food in the middle of the night) going via the venugopal temple ... some of the guys even climbed the mock elephants in front of the temple and got pics clicked !!! well when we got to deva's found out that it was closed and then headed for press cart (another place to eat !!!) ... so just hung out at mic and ate the bun omelets we got packed ... later headed to the hotel where these people from out of town were staying ... left them and the chicks over there and then walked back to ma hostel !!! slept at 4.30 am and then did go for class on sat morning ...

just went for class ... came back ... did some wellapanti ... looked at some stuff .... saw the rain fall ... time pass basically !!! got a call again in the evening ... so we met up once again and headed for the food fest at valley view ... the food fest was pretty decent with very original and tempting drinks and mughlai cuisine !!! after the food fest headed to edge to dance the night away ... met a lot of people i knew ... drank a lot ... grooved a little !!! after getting out of there started walking back when it started raining ... got all wet but made it back to the night canteen ... gobbled up all that we cud and got some stuff for frens ... on the way saw the india vs pakistan match of the 20:20 world cup where india kicked aussie ass !!! die bitches die ... came back to my room ... saw these movies ... sicko and sunshine !!! finally got tired and went off to sleep at 6 in the morning ....

was woken up at 11.50 by people banging at my door ... ppl rushed in ... made me brush ... change and leave !!! where were we going ??? turtle bay came the reply (a private resort about 1.30 hours from manipal by car !!!) met up with the whole grp at tc ... got a taxi and somehow packed everyone (9 of us) in that small omni !!! the trip to the resort was interesting ... with things flying around ... experiences shared ... pics being taken ... we even stopped at a roadside dhaba and had a mouth watering lunch !!

finally after driving thru picturesque locales and roads battered by the furious indian monsoon we got to the beach ... and headed straight into the water ... started playing football,sun bathing on the beach,pushing each other into the water,climbing rocks ... the kind of random fun associated with going to the beach !! then everyone climbed to the top of this rock and just sat .. smoked a few cigs and enjoyed the view !!!

well as random a thing it is ... it started raining ... so people pushed off to hide the bags in shade or just get some cover !!! i tried asking people if they wanted to go into the water and swim as far as they could ... fortunately no one agreed cause the sea was freakishly rough with 10 feet high swells of water and raining heavily... plus the beach was rocky and rocks underneath the surface of water are a major concern !!

As no one agreed , i decided to test myself and went into deep water all alone ... impervious to the cries of concern from my frens ... all i could think of then was that i was a god and gods don't die ...(there's a reason behind that thought which i would not like to mention ) plus i always wanted to do something like this ever since i saw this movie gattaca !! well i kept on going into deeper water and more deeper water ... finally i was getting dragged in and the waves were so strong that they started bashing me against the rocks underneath the surface .... i could barely keep afloat and was spending most time underneath the surface ... all i could think of at that moment was how do i get out of this ?? uttered cries of help but my frens were just stuck there and they were as helpless as i was with no rescue equipment or lifeguards anywhere !!!

i started swimming but it didnt really help cause i was using up my energy and tiring my body ... and still wasnt getting anywhere except being dragged in deeper by the strong currents !!! my only shot at surviving this self created ordeal were the rocks near by but i was concerned about the force i would hit the rocks with cause of the current behind me ... the last thing i wanted was to be knocked out and washed away !!

its really strange how the human mind works in a situation like this ... every second seems like an eternity ... u can feel the blood racing and every molecule of oxygen being used to create energy !!! all i kept telling myself was that i was that this was not my time to die and i will live on ... felt a bit of that survivor spirit from the time i met with this car accident when i was in 2nd grade (my first life threatening incident!!!)...

so well then i went in for the rocks with my hands in front of me and my head tucked back to save it from any eventuality ... the water got me close to the rocks... tried grabbing the rocks but all i could touch was the algae growing on em ... this happened twice before i could finally grab hold and pulled my self up ... my next concern was to move up and save myself from the huge quantities of angry sea water hitting the rock ... got some energy and did that ... as soon as i knew i was safe and mostly alive ... just hit the floor and took in deep breaths .... you dont know what life is unless you see death in person !!! by this time my frens got to the rock and helped me back to the beach ... where i got a lot of lectures ... loads of emotional blackmail and a truck full of frowns ...everything i deserved for being an ass and trying out a crazy stunt like that !! i had a body full of bruises cause of the rocks and just felt a lil dazed ... just lay down on the beach ... looked at the sky and the eagles flying up there ... lit up a cig and took the smoke in ... thanked god for being alive and started singing in my mind ....

the journey back was less eventful ... just stopped in the way once to get chilled beer ... got back to manipal when amby found out that his phone was missing ... a few phone calls and running around got his phone back !!!

came back ... just took a shower ... cleaned up my wounds and had dinner !!! too tired to even think ... but i dunno why i had this sudden urge to write this blog !!!

life is precious ...
life is good ....
and as long as you have it ... respect it
you might only understand it when you're dead ...
but whats the point in being dead so soon ???

so here i am still alive ... kinda shaken up in a good way ... felt a tinge of energy coming back into my body ... gonna make something out of it ... at least thats what the plan is !!!

p.s: that movie gattaca is once sexy movie ... if sci fi is ur thing u have to see it !! the tagline of the movie is .... "There is no gene for the human spirit."

p.p.s : i still love the sea ...

p.p.p.s : we're all star dust and one day we shall go back to where we came from ....

cya ... gnight ... peace

As jim put it once ....
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
Ill never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...strangers hand
In a...desperate land